You know how Mr. Murphy shows you your place in the world ? Typically when you’re standing in queues or stuck in traffic on days you JUST HAVE TO GET IT ALL DONE? I have come to the saddening realisation that Mr Murphy absolutely loves showering his attention on mommies. Ok. Maybe not all, but definitely me. When I got pregnant, while I was thrilled, I used to laugh off all my friends’ valid concerns. Like how would I party late? Or how would I manage to keep up with my large social circle of all of 6 people.
I had my plan down pat. Of course, it all started with me having a daughter. A daughter that would have her father wrapped around her little finger and who would prefer daddy darling over me any day. Come delivery, and my doctor hands me a fiesty, beautiful, absolutely adorable baby BOY! That’s right a boy who has been mama’s little shadow from day one. A boy who not only needed his mama over everyone else, he also ensured daddy wasn’t too happy, since he refused to even go to daddy until mama was within viewing distance for the first year of his life!
As for that rocking social life? I’m must glad I managed to speak to my few friends over my jealous son’s wails every few months. Mr Murphy, though, wasn’t done with me yet. He decided to gang up with lady Karma and enjoy my plight a little more. A very dear friend of mine had become a mother around the same time I got married. While I adored listening to her stories of mommyhood, I, for sure, knew what I was going to do different.
For example, I would never ever let anyone know my eyebrows weren’t actually shaped as nicely. Nor would the world ever see the hairy wrinkly monster I could get without my bi-monthly salon sessions. I’m sure Murphy and Karma laughed themselves silly over what they had in store for me. Almost 9 years now and I can count on one hand the number of times I have been to a salon (and it’ll be a while before I can get to the next hand). Having a daughter wrapped around not Daddy’s finger but my boobs hasn’t helped either! The number of people who take one look and keep a safe distance from me would add up to more than my math is capable of though!
The same friend would also tell me how difficult it had been for her to get her fitness back on track. No matter how early she went to the gym, her daughter would catch on and wake up even earlier until she gave the idea up altogether. I, in my childless naivete, suggested what I thought were very reasonable workarounds. She in her infinite mommy wisdom, nodded wisely, told me she’ll try and never brought it up again. Oh, if only I had known what seeds of utter despair I was sowing for myself I would have kept my trap shut.
My son, who had decided that he will be called my shadow since birth, wakes up from the deepest slumber when I go to the loo. My daughter goes one step further and sits wailing outside while I hurriedly try to wrap up my business. Stepping out of the bedroom would mean all hell breaking loose.
The amount of trouble I have gotten into up until now, I shudder to think of what other choices I have judged other moms about. I can only hope Mr Murphy and lady Karma have had their share of fun. There’s a parlour I would love to go to and some friends I think I will have to write off if I don’t do some catching up soon. Oh wait! I think I remember smirking about a mommy who couldn’t get her five year old to eat on her own!!!!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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The post Murphy and Me! Lessons in Motherhood and Judgement appeared first on The Good Men Project.
